Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
