Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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