I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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