you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
