I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
