im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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