Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize