strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
