I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
