I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
