My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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