all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
