I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
