just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
