Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
