exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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