You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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