So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
