its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
