this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
