I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize