1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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