Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
