Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
