I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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