I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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