I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
