dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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