Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
