To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
