I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize