Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
