She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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