She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
