If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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