I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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