mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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