when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize