Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
