Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
