just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just sucked dick on a ferry
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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