This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
