alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
