and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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