the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
third nipple confirmed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
