Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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