Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
