I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
