I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
