i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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