Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize