I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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