you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
