I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
