you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
