sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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