apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
