im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
