There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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