She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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