he thought i was a dude.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
