Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I look better un-naked...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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