drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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