just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
