Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
