Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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