So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
