Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
