Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
