He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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