if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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