five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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