tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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